Tits up

Well it appears Mammary gland interest applies to other species as well.

Namely the dairy cow

Competition is so fierce that they are turning to chemistry for advantage, that and compressed air. Compressed air you ask? What possibly could they use that for? It is quite simple, you use the air to pump up the cow’s udder region and then use the super glue to seal it up again.

This gives the appearance of a good dairy cow at competition and sale, this of course has now been exposed and the milk has hit the fan.

Of course someone did say only a man would think this up, but I pointed out that it was women who use the silicon enhanced look, so perhaps an open mind should be kept on the origin.

Will compressed air compete with silicon on the human female? I am told no, despite many thousands of years of trying.

In another inspired bit of lunacy an Elvis impersonator who faked his own death has been caught due a store loyalty card that he owned being used by his brother, HMV investigated it as possible fraud and it all fell apart.

I am again surprised at the stupidity of smart people.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9296268/How-Elvis-CD-trapped-man-who-faked-his-own-death-for-850000.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/agriculture/farming/9293216/Farmers-pumping-cows-udders-full-of-gas-and-gluing-them-up-to-win-prizes.html

Libraries

Went to the library today.So few people that I know go anymore, which is a shame I myself have always enjoyed the use of the library to think write and of course read.

If my post today is about anything its about using them.
Please use your local library, in fact make a habit of it, go say twice a month.

So I was going to write today about using my sword of truth and slaying those that oppose libraries
And seek to destroy them.

But instead please visit your local library and read books by people who are far smarter than me
about them using a sword of truth to slay the enemies of libraries. They do it alot better and I will have gotten you to use the library.

No poems today but some more soon.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.com/

Some more poems and haiku

Well some more poetry written. I do not know if I am getting better or worse!
Hopefully better.
As for a proper posting. Sunday perhaps.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.co.uk/

Being a man

Yesterday I went to see the ballet, it was being transmitted live from the ROH it was La Fille mal gardee now I like theatre, music, and cinema plus I have become more interested in opera.

But let’s face it for blokes the real test of art or culture is Ballet, no matter how much you try there is always a little part of you which says “no” sorry. Too much. Tilt. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Now at one point my rejection of ballet would have been complete, it was for women and the effeminate however over time this has faded, mostly I suspect because I have matured and no longer fell insecure about myself, which let’s face it a lot of male idiocy comes from immaturity and insecurity about whatever you feel insecure about.

So what are manly habits? what is the bloke thing to do?

Of course the manliest thing to do is the pursuit of woman and I am assuming any hot blooded heterosexual male reading this would agree that this is a manly pursuit. If you are of a different persuasion then it’s your choice as to the pursuit.

But what is next? There are of course many answers war, making money, getting drunk, running around mostly naked with a traffic cone on your head shouting obscenities, the last one should be said has been beaten by Ozzy Osborne’s antics who let’s face it puts all of our efforts to shame in that department .

Of course I could ask my father, the font of all knowledge concerning manly behaviour, but to do so would only elicit an odd look from him and the offer of either tea in the morning or a beer in the evening. I have always been in awe of my father’s capacity for being a bloke and over time I have come to understand his long silences on subjects has gotten nothing to with the fact he doesn’t think about them, but you can only do, or think so much about something, after that, just don’t give a monkeys and have a beer instead.

For him a manly pursuit can be about anything, because if no else likes it tough shit. He is going to do it no matter what anyone else thinks, why? because he is a man.

And so back to the ballet, if you don’t like it fair enough. I am going for a beer.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.co.uk/ two more

Well another poetry blog done. I should write something here which is non poetry. Next thursday I think.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/some-more-poems.html

Another Post on my poetry blog, I am really going to have more balls about what I publish on it rather than what I feel comfortable with. Of course I worry that people will think its crap but without external critics how can I move forward? so next post I am going to put a lot more on. If you do read it and like it please say so, and if you do not, I need those comments just as much!

And so to a new week! better get writing and reading.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.co.uk/

Poetry

Just done some more poetry, this is not all I have done but I want to enter into competitions, and if you have published them online they will not consider them.

I really do enjoy writing poetry and prose, why I stopped all those years ago I will never know.
Well to be truthfull I do know. It comes down to getting distracted by things, or to be more exact allowing myself to get distracted by silly pastimes, and laziness after coming back from work. Oh I cannot be bothered I have worked all day. Have a beer. Watch televison. Get fat.

Well I cut back heavily on the drink and television - is there nothing good to watch? and now I have the time for more constructive pursuits.

http://poetryfromthebloodredsea.blogspot.co.uk/

And so to move day, yet again all the problems and strife that comes from moving stuff from one place to another, sorting out and throwing stuff away. This stuff mainly comes from you previous place which you did not get rid of, to another place where you will not get rid of it.
Except this time I have a cunning plan, I shall get rid of all unwanted stuff, which I have determined to be most of it, leaving me with the stuff I actually want!
And hopefully with more money in the bank for the stuff I actually want.
Which is mostly practical stuff like a new bed and duvet, a computer, this one is about 7 years old from my brother bless him. and some really good clothes and shoes.
Wow thats some really interesting shit there.

Poetry and other stuff.

And so after procrastinating for a... while I have finally posted some of my work. My friends think I should have done this sooner, I think they are being polite.
Of course I am well aware of the possibility of criticism, but if you do not expose yourself to it you cannot get better.
And of course people might enjoy it.

Blogs

As I have more time I am blogging more, and I now find myself thinking what I want to do with it.
My previous blog entry was going to be more substantial but I found myself thinking, what is it I am going on about? I am not doing a long dark tea time of the soul here, more of, what exactly interests me?
Interests now they are well interesting.

Not when the news is on.

I make a point today to not read the Internet news more than once a day, in fact with the news in general I limit my exposure as much as possible, this is not down to some desire to live shut off from the world but more from a desire to maintain my sanity.
The New York Times says "All the news that's fit to print"now all news is available to us, what does this slogan mean? Perhaps that is why its readership is dwindling.
Hence the reduction in my news reading, no news, is good news, an expression which has gotten truer over time in this world.

As the Stone Temple Pilots say.

I can Feel when she kisses me sleeping
But not when the news is on.

I was going to go on about power structures new world order etc.
Instead could you please just read Manufacturing Consent by Chomsky, he writes about it with more
ability than me.

Screwing over the company part deux

And so to my next thrilling installment of screwing over a company. The adventure continues...

After the performance in front of the customer, I went home and immediately emailed my formal complaint to the area manager and accidentally on purpose his peers, nothing like publicity amongst the peers, they wont interfere but they will watch with interest what happens. I also sent letters via another manager FAO of the area manager.

Now being aware of the relationship between my manager, and rich bitch was the reason I sent the complaint this way, in fact the relationship worked to my advantage as it allowed me to bypass them both, one of whom was also the HR manager for the area.

Now the reply from the area manager was of course non committal of course he was upset I had sent it to his peers, though of course I expressed this was a mistake.Not.  And he would not take it up as a formal complaint, this was not an issue, I did not want it going to tribunal, such things can be costly both in time and reputation, and of course with potential future employers. But not taking it up as a formal complaint would make them look bad, if it went that far.

Now of course they do not know the game I am playing, they still view me as all the other dull eyed employees who would not say boo to the proverbial goose.

And so to the first phone call, I am of course calm and accommodating. I repeat my grievance clearly and in respectful tones, he responds to this calmly and carefully, he is unsure though, there is a waver in his voice, this does not usually happen, he asks what do I want? I simply state that I am unhappy with rich bitch and her ways, OK, he we will move her to another store.
Victory number one.
But what else, I talk about various other things, it should be said at no time do I mention money, Mentioning money is like asking to get physical with a woman before the romance bit, they get defensive and it gets harder. I talk about other things. Finally with just the right amount of panic and impatience he talks about Money. Bingo. He has mentioned it not me, this gives me the advantage, and he knows it. Of course one must still play hard to get.

At this stage I am still playing the innocent card, he does not know I want out, and I know he wants to lower the headcount, but cheaply as possible.
Now I do not wish to anger this man, he is just doing his job, acting like a prick will set him against me and I know people, if you push them they will stiffen up, and say no just to make a point.
So now comes the hard part we arrange a meeting, he suggests about two weeks time for the meeting to let things cool of a bit, I agree, but I change the final day. He thinks this will give me time to think things through, I already have. This is time to let things stew, to allow what has happened to percolate
throughout the company, rich bitches move will have been noticed, the gossip will fly and I will help it. Again Nudges.

And so to the final few days, before in the week I mention I am having car problems to the acting manager, but I do not see it as a problem. of course on the day of the meeting I ring up to say I cannot make it, my car needs fixing, he is very understanding. Why do this? to knock him off balance, and create delay, he does not want this going on and on.

And so to the day of the meeting. I arrive on time, I have to wait, he is busy, I know he is not, but he wants me to stew a bit.

The meeting itself goes very well for me, we barter, I do not mention money until he is getting a tired of the non talk then I strike. He is happy to accept, my demands are not unreasonable.
He is actually quite pleased, he knows I have been shrewed and now knows what I am after, he is in fact in a very good mood at something played well. I knew enough about this man to know what he is like, he is a bright man and knows a good game when its played. I factored this in, always respect your opponent and play well.

As to the money? six months worth of pay plus bonus, which when you consider if I had been forced out or made redundant is an excellent sum.

We shake hands and he ensures me an excellent reference and personal recommendation from him. Which I get.

The rules of Twitter

I have been on Twitter for about a week now, enough to come up with some rules concerning it.

Be polite, be witty, post positive criticism, do not flame, avoid personal subjects, do not be ugly.

And one other thing to add your sense of humor might not be their sense of humor.

Assess who you follow - are they engaged in the process, or do they do it for information purposes only?
Some will not talk to you unless you are at a certain level.
Do not directly talk to someone unless it is correct to do so.
Only respond to tweets that are questions or if you have something interesting or witty to say, do not spout crap.

Re tweeting is a menace avoid, do not re-tweet unless it is worthwhile, this was my sin, people do not want to know about it, if they did they would be following the conversation.
Do not favorite unless it is worthwhile.
Do not expect a reply.

Keep your tweets to a minimum, absence creates fondness, too many tweets devalues your output, people will tune out.

If you wish people to listen to you be patient, it takes time to build up followers.

To have something to tweet you must do things in the real world, otherwise you will have nothing to talk about, do not spend all day on it.
This is what I have learnt, some pitfalls I avoided but others I fell into, over enthusiasm got the better of me.

But getting the balance right is what life is about, I for one have never been worried about making mistakes, only about not learning from them.

So what do I do now? well in all things there is storming then norming, time to put what I have learnt into perspective, and then apply it.

Dosh and screwing over the company

Well another day another devalued dollar, I often think about the never ending search for cash,
and in recent times it dominates my thoughts like no other, what do I want from it? and is it the goal or merely the path I use?

These are not academic questions. As we go through life our goals are determined by how we use and abuse money and what are eventual goal is.

Enough earnestness, it ruins conversation.

In my previous blog I explained how my employers tried to screw me over, but I did the dirty on them.

Like all things it started with love. My boss who I call Rudolph(guess why) found himself a rich young thing I call rich bitch.
Before I get ahead myself some background, I worked as part of a sales team, conjure up all the image and cliche you can, they are all true.

I had at the time a co-worker who basically did all the bosses work, while getting very little reward, he was offered much, but it soon came apparent to him, it was all bullshit( no shit Sherlock)

He consequently left the company, leaving the position available, and guess who filled the position? yes rich bitch. Now I have nothing against those with ability, or money, I admire the many qualities they must possess to get it. But those born rich have an inherent advantage over the rest of us with no money, they do not have to care about rent, insurance and all the other money problems which plague the rest of us. This means they know no fear, after all the money is only a step away and then all danger and consequence is gone.

And so to rich bitch, the first warning sign occurred when she turned up in a very nice motor-her motor. No objection there, but when the price of that car is your pay over a number of years, I begin to get nervous, this gives them edge- no consequences remember. My main reason for nervousness was simple, the company had started to screw with commission, now I feel the whip like the rest of us and I enjoy the value of hard work, but companies will chew you up and spit you out if you have to hard a work ethic, they will always expect a certain amount of performance and when it drops oh dear.

The previous guy was simply to enthusiastic, it took me no time to sow dissent, and doubt, in his mind.

Of course with her a different tack had to be played, but first some facts.

One her boyfriend had got her this job to ease her up the ladder, it should be said rich bitch was not without ability, respect your opponent, get cocky and its over.
Two her money gave her clout, money does talk and it talks loudly.

She was here, and soon her mission was made clear, not to get rid of me per see, but to shake the tree and see who fell, it should be noted this has nothing to do with being a good or profitable employee, its just about numbers, there is oddly nothing personal about it, American company, American values, but with EU law.
Soon the tactic became clear, rules lawyer, that's right, all procedures were to be adhered to without failure, to put this in some perspective, the book the rules came from was covered in dust and stale donuts, so lets understand that from the beginning.

Remember rich bitch was not without ability, and hers was rules. People use them not to make the company better, but to give themselves power, and she knew that.

It begins with your work, not a problem before, but now all things are under scrutiny, and I have found that with time, all can be called into question and doubt (just look at the news, small news items become blown out of all proportion, and the little people always get fired)

But I am not without my tricks, and I employed them, young women, even those with money have insecurities, hers was being paid attention too, lots of money right? so I became cold and dismissive, you have to be care full here, lay it on to thick and it will be flagged up, but remember people who are insecure only have to be nudged a little for them to fall into self doubt, and anger. And anger leads to mistakes, rules lawyers are control freaks.

Of course with each perceived slight(after a while they become imagined) your work can proceed with only the smallest of nudges, she became even more of a control freak, soon my performance review came and guess what, I was a terrible employee.

Now why do this? well I knew enough of what was going on to see the writing on the wall, it was nothing personal from them, just about the numbers, however being unemployed does bring the fear in having no money.

I had been writing everything down, every outburst, every action, everything. Remember what is good for the goose.

But it was not enough, and I am if anything a little theatrical ( I do love the theatre)
A scene had to be caused, something to highlight myself as a victim, noble and dignified of course.

And it soon came, there are times when I must work unsociable hours, but these are always made as a request, not as a demand. Now I had been working on her all day in my own special way when she made such a DEMAND. I refused. I was polite, this maddened her no end, and I put myself forward in a respectful manner how unreasonable she was being, this caused her to go nuclear and remember, its theatre, one needs an audience, in this case a customer. Joy.

The money flowed, as to the process, a tale for another day.

Twitter

I joined Twitter this past week, no idea why, just thought it would be a way to do something, else. I have now got six followers, of which 3 are offering porn services, and one offers to make me popular, gonna need that one being the cynical, unshiney, type of person. I think I will make some friends up to follow me, then I can have conversations with myself, and allow my multiple personality disorder to have full reign.

Banks, why I joined em.

When I got made redundant from my job, I was very angry at the banks, after all they had trashed the economy while giving themselves a massive pat on the back for the jobs they do.

We all did, we hated them for giving us what we wanted, excuse me, what we wanted? we wanted to be unemployed and massively in debt? well yes we did.

We did because we wanted big televisions, cars, iPods and really cool things that went ping when we wanted them too.

Then it changed, and the little machine that went ping, stopped pinging.

Our lives it seemed, came to an end, we had to start again it seemed, thrown back into the good old days of the the nineteen thirties (where my grandpa spent his unemployment years, until Hitlers job creation scheme called WW2)

The banks were at fault then too, not that it matters, but from this era a bit of wisdom flowed to me, it came from John Dillinger(bank robber) When asked why he robbed banks, he replied "that's where the money is"

And so in my head the alcohol burned a little brighter, and an idea came into my brain.
If you cant beat'em join'em.

And so I applied for all the bank positions possible.

And with time I got interviews, I was verbose, charming and qualified.

I got nowhere.

Or so it seemed, I was at that moment in the worst job in the world (in my opinion getting work is easy, getting good work is hard) when a call came, one of the banks wanted me back for another interview, this was at least 2 months after they had turned me down.

So I went, and I got the job.

Now did I get it due to my verbosity?
No.
Did I get it due to my Charm?
No
Did I get it due to my Qualifications?
No

How did I get it?
I was honest on the application form. Turns out all the others told porky pies, and if there is one thing the banks do not like is liars, cheats and scoundrels.
Come again?

That's right I was honest, now I will admit to stretching, distorting or omitting the truth but I never actually lie(number one salesman in the country, you bought it, and don't like it, tough S**t)

Go figure.

Well, in life, there are times which piss you off, irritate, and really anger you to the point of nuclear explosion. Then a few years later you look back and think, well that was actually rather funny.

And so to the incident in question.

About two years ago in October, I was in the flat I rented, and listening to music, trying not to be depressed about my lack of money, job or prospects, when I heard the local population braying and cavorting. Now normally this would not matter, the local population were and still are inbred Munters (with some exceptions) and the near riots and general idiocy, were of no concern to my troubled mind. However I find on occasion, it is wise to see what the chavs are up to, and to get a nice mug of tea. And so I journeyed to the kitchen, were I looked out of the window at the crowd below, as I looked I noticed a pulsing orange light reflecting off my and other cars, this piqued my interest, and I took greater interest in what they were doing, and wondered were the light came from. So I opened up the window to have a better look at the crowd and cars below, I scanned both up, and down the street, looking for the source of the light, I could not find it, so I had a little think about the light reflecting of my car. And then a little thought occurred to me, it was not reflecting off my car. The light was coming from my car.

It was on fire.

It took a little while to percolate through my brain.

My car was on fire.

I ran. through the hall, down the stairs, past the doors, and down the street, going past the crowd to my burning car, and noticing it had thankfully subdued. I patted it down with my hand as forcefully as possible, and eventually, and painfully I put it out.

I drove off there and then into the night, and finding a safe place to park I inspected the damage. Thankfully not much, a burnt number plate(rather difficult to replace actually) and a damaged bumper, and something else.

Some act of charity had put out the flames with what at first I thought was water, however a closer inspection brought a familiar tang to my nostrils.

Piss, I could smell urine, all I could think is that the fates had produced a convergence of needs, my desire for the fire to go out.

And some ones need to piss.

It was. And I hope. The only time I will be thank full, of another mans piss on my hands.

Well the world is full of miracles, and today I got a nice big fat one. Turns out my previous employer could not tax properly for shit, and now a nice big fat tax rebate has slapped itself down on my doorstep, of course being the real world it is already spoken for, and already the little chicks of expenditure have hatched and demanded a good feeding. How do they guess? I get a bit of cash and the mouths open, expecting the cash worms.

But that would be looking at it negatively, I am still ahead, as Mr Micawber said Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

Therefore I am counting my blessings and taking joy in todays news. In fact its a bit like winning on the horses.

I was trying to write something witty this eve but frankly I am too tired but still have to get back into the habit. No I am not cross dressing. I just realised if I did dress as Nun or monk it would be cross dressing geddit cross, JC, geddit. I am laboring an unfunny point.

It has been a while to say the least, but I am back again preaching my religon of one to the howling wilderness. A great deal has happend to me over the past three years since my last post.
I lost my home and job, one pet dog and one fecker tried to set fire to my car.
My Computer went tits up, I lost nearly all my money, Lost another job- i did not lose my job some twat made it very clear to me I should leave in an assisted manner, I agreed but only if they assisted me with some money- which I got.

I also cursed and demonised the banking system, until I realised they had all the money and so I joined one.