Xmas is over. The new year is about to begin

Well here I am on my own. going down the only road I have ever known.
The xmas beast has almost been devoured, the chocolates now stain furniture. presents have been opened.
I have recieved more alcohol which is always good. Work has not called AT ALL which is a fucking miracle.
Xmas is over and it has been a good one i have been pleasntly full, pleasantly drunk, and pleasntly free of hangovers.

And now it is time for the new year.
let the binge drinking commence

Dear santa

One of my jobs at Xmas is dealing with Xmas letter overflow from our Lapland operation.
Here is one of them.

Dear Santa
My Christmas list this year is for boosted profits for Halliburton and my ascendancy to president. Also I would like that little plame affair to go away and to torture whomever I please.

Yours Dick Cheney

To: Charlie
From: Santa
Cc:
Tell this guy to fuck off. He is definitely on my winter shit list.
Can we have him killed?

To: Santa
From: Charlie
Cc:
No we cannot have him killed. It a federal offence to even say it. But we can however ensure his Xmas gift is a steaming pile of shit and perhaps an impeachment.

To: Charlie
From: Santa
Cc:
Ok I want you to de-prioritise your current items and make this your primary action item. I will send to my elves one of my steaming turds and you sort out the delivery.

Result.

Inner peace

Something I should bring to you.I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and
we could all do with a little calm.

By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally
found inner peace.

The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish off
all the things you have started".

So I looked round the house to see all the things I had started and
hadn't finished.

And before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of
red wine, a bottle of white wine, Baileys, three Bacardi Breezers,
Jack Daniels, Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of
chocolates.

You have no idea how bloody good I feel.

You must pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

Bloggers block

I have to admit of recent my blog has been faltering I seem to lack focus at the moment being preoccupied with other things.
And when I come to sit down and write something nothing pops into my head, no witticisms, no political point’s, no observation on the human condition. I am to say the least a little blank in my head. So I have decided to write about the fact that i cannot seem to write anything of interest at the moment. This means i am already running out of things to write down.

Jimmy Carr had a good joke about writing a book about asking your woman if she liked anal sex it was entitled. What if she takes it the wrong way?

I feel I must somehow upgrade, or up my blogging game. But I do not know how, and have no idea what I mean by upping my game.

This is turning into a series of statements.

I think my current lack of blogging subjects is due to me not reading enough. Usually I read something that pisses me off, and then I write about it, but at the moment nothing perhaps Xmas cheer has infiltrated my brain rendering it fuzzy, and unable to think bad and pissed of thoughts. They say in paradise there would be no writers as with no injustice intolerance or war there would be nothing to really write about. I know the world is a steaming pile of poo at the moment but this Xmas brain fuzz is distorting everything. More human rights violations in countries I have never been to? Come on then despots show some Xmas spirit- oh your Muslim? My bad ho ho ho.
Maybe when they electrocute somebody who has been renditioned they can use Xmas lights instead ho ho ho!
I think my dissatisfaction is returning my glee at bush's and Blair’s failures gaining strength the Xmas fuzz is lifting!

Yes I maybe busy and full of kindness to my fellow man but some of those men are going to get my special Xmas boot up their ass!

Ho! Fucking ho!

Weight

It may be the season of giving but it is also the season for eating, already I am preparing my post Xmas exercises regimen.
What an odd thing to do. I have gotten better as I now eat less at this time of year, much more discipline. But still a lot of food and booze will be consumed.
I will consume chocolate, turkey, whiskey, more whiskey and cake. To get the weight off, I will run, cycle, and do weight lifting. An irony. To lose weight I will lift it, perhaps I should attach the turkeys, puddings etc instead of the weights.

I wish Christmas was less about consumption and more about having fun. Now I love a good meal, well prepared and with all the trimmings, where you eat until you are pleasantly full. But to often however we confuse eating and drinking excessively with a good time.

Back to the preparations

Computer bollocks

I love computers as much as i hate them. When they do what i want all is well, when they do not, well you know the story.
Much has changed since computers came into the home. But much has not. Most issues still require a long and tedious check
of everything, because you never know that by putting just one thing in caps,you can alter everything. You can run BITE etc but they only look for things that do not work. If you in your stupidity have altered something but it still works(mostly) you can be in trouble. Its a bit like if you wrote: I wander what time it is. If you ran that through spell check no issues. But you know it is the word wonder rather than wander (A note to everyone always proof read docs)

I have done this today on a very complicated bit of kit - got to get it fixed or I am in the shit.
Timtom (sc) has not noticed yet. Thankfully he knows nothing about this bit of kit , so he will not put his nose in.
Merry xmas fuckup!

Surfboards

Surfboards are dangerous and that is a fact. Turns out the foam they use inside, has various chemicals that are just not good for you(allegedly). And I thought surfers just had to worry about wiping out and the occasional shark. I wonder if this will make it a dangerous sport.

It seems strange that Clark, who made the surfboard blanks could have modernised. But the changes would have been too costly for him he alleged. He is also subject to lawsuits.
So I guess they will be made in countries that have few laws concerning the health of the employee.
And the lawsuits will rumble on leaving only one winner. The lawyer.

The Health NAZI was quite upset
Timtom (sc) tried to be cool by being upset by it


HO HO HO - Xmas cheer

Endless wars

I read 1984 again. Each time I do it sends a shiver down my Spine.
We have the ministry of truth that tells only lies. WMD e.t.c via the spin-doctors, which do things beyond what Orwell could ever have imagined in the history of propaganda and disinformation.

We have the ministry of peace that only deals with war: can anyone remember when we have not been at war with someone?
I do not.

We have the ministry of love, MI6, CIA all ready to provide more truth and special renditions for those who are uncooperative.

We do not have a ministry of plenty, or none that can be recognised as such but perhaps the G8 summits are enough. I have lots but with each day that passes a lot more people have less. And what I have does not really make me happy.

And lets not forget the cameras and observation that permeates everything. From walking on the street to being at work you are being monitored continually.
The media employ Newspeak more and more, a simplification that extends across all popular mediums.

Doubleplus ungood

Management techniques

My most anger filled moments are at work dealing with Tom-tom (sc).
When I first met Tom-tom (sc) I though he was a nice guy. I tried to get on with him and do my best to complete my duties.
But it soon came apparent that no matter what I did, it would not be enough. This is because he is an asshole.
A common complaint, and anyone who has been in any kind of work environment can relate. He is an asshole due to a complete lack of social skills, and in inability to motivate others. Most of these things of course come down from the "top" from a superior’s whose abilities are so lacking I often wonder how they get there. Tom-tom (sc) an asshole of the highest order likes to motivate people by continual threats of being "out placed" This is generally the only skill he seems to possess and I often wonder if he is capable of anything else.
Tom-tom (sc) and myself go on lots of managerial, team building and other exercises that are mostly useless.
This due to the management ethos of if you do not like it you can always leave, or we can outplace you techniques.
So all of those management courses should be replaced with firing people or making their lives a misery101.

We have meetings to find out "why do people leave the company" of which I am always tempted to say "because we are cunts to them" of course I have learned along time ago to say anything truthful or negative WILL cost me my job. So I put forward positive ideas that of course they love as none of them actually involve doing anything or spending money.

Ho hum

Brain3

My head is as empty as president Bush's head.
I only wish it was as full as cheney's bank account

Brain2

My brain is as empty as president Bush's head, in his second term.

Brain

My brain is as empty as president bush's.
So not much today

Insomnia

I have terrible insomnia. Nothing is worse than doing the night watch. I call it the long dark teatime of the soul as at 4am in the morning you find yourself in a twilight world. It feels like I am on another planet one where the natural laws do not apply. Gravity can become heavier or lighter, and dogs put on suits and talk.
I watch TV that does return some normality, and you can find some really good shows and movies. But it is no substitute for a good nights sleep. Some people like my health Nazi neighbour says what’s so bad about it. Go for a run. What the fuck does he know? You live with it for a few weeks see how far you get.

I will now try to get some sleeeeep.

Religious differences

I have had thought

When Christians get angry they kill a bunch of people

When Muslims get angry they kill themselves and a bunch of people

When Buddhists get angry they kill themselves

If we were all Buddhists the world would be a safer place. Osama bin laden and George bush could settle the war on terror by killing themselves.
Suicide bombers would erect a cordon around the blast area offer tofu and then blow themselves up, the police watching to ensure the safety of all.

Man sues over faulty XBOX360

Now this is a strange one a man is taking MS to court because his console crashes because it overheats.
I seem to remember things come with warranties. Now I am not keen on MS and the way it does business, but still it has only been 10 days since its release, it would be like buying a coffee, deciding it was not warm enough, and then taking court action 10 seconds later.
Of course I am suspicious of his motives, the console wars are hard and bitter, and it would not surprise me if there were other motives involved. But who knows. Maybe when he called them to report it, they were dismissive.
But my experience of MS and my Xbox problems were very good.

This does reflect our society in general. Companies do look upon us not only as consumers but also as potential litigants.
One only has to talk to a lawyer, and they will agree, that they must look upon clients as future problems, particularly if a case does not go the client’s way.

This is the viscous circle we live in today, companies look on us problems, we think all companies are trying to cheat us.
Lawyers make tons of cash .The law does not serve us but only serves itself just like everything else.

Time travel

I will be at some point in my future a time traveller. I have not gone back in time just yet, though at this moment I am going forward along with everyone else. Why am I going back in time? It is the only explanation I have for meeting people who say they have met me before. Such as those really nice calls I get from people who are selling me stuff.
"Hello Mr CH we called earlier about our go faster widget wiper time sharer and you asked us to call back another time"
"I did?"
Well all I can say is that either I am going senile and forgetting so much stuff nowadays, or I am travelling back in time taking those calls and re-arranging them. God I am a C$%T to myself.

Of course one begs the question why am I going back in time. Perhaps I really do need to make those purchases to prevent the world from ending, or some rightwing politician from invading other countries, imprisoning people without trial and say things like "The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they've, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know — European values, they're universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere.

Oh shit. I knew I should have purchased that double-glazing.

Junk part2

Well I have gone through my stuff, and rooted out all the crap I do not want. some will be ruthlessly disposed of, and others will be sold on eBay.
Also while going through my junk I found some old books, one was by Philip k Dick, and while having a quick read I remembered a term PKD used to describe junk in the house. He called it kipple. Which is a good word.
So now I am selling stuff, so if you are looking for IRON CROWN ENTERPRISES books check out eBay now!
(As a side thought do they allow me to promote the stuff I am selling on Eblogger?)

I don't take a dump unless I have a plan

In a recent press release US President Bush has informed us that US troops will stay until the job is done.
Now when it came to invading I was not a supporter but now the coalition is in Iraq we cannot just walk away. And at least now he seems to be having an actual plan. This "plan" does seem to be sketchy but at least one exists.

When I think about the conflict in Iraq I look at previous wars, in particular the Second World War.
Why the second? In this war the allies knew what their plan was, to defeat Germany, but also what they were going to do after. First remove Hitler from power then occupy Germany as a whole, expunge all traces of the Nazi party. But there was one difference about WW2 that does separate it from modern conflicts. They had a plan of what they were going to do after the war was won; it was called the Marshall plan named after the general who created it. The plan was to rebuild Europe by restarting its economy and to rebuild Germany and prevent any allied claims to German assets. This was to prevent the same events occurring which led to WW2 oddly enough it was the failure to deal with the First world war that led to the second, like the first gulf war led to the current conflict.

But this current conflict is different from WW2 for one thing there is no defined battlefield, and no set victory conditions.
We know what we would like the outcome to be, but do not know the way to get there. This costs the US $6 billion a month.
And this is what concerns me the most, the running of this conflict seems ad hoc at best, the militaries are of course reasonably well run with a core of discipline. Politicians are its weakness unable to put through a long-term defined plan of action. Things are run on a reactionary basis, they never take the initiative, and only follow things if they are in the public eye. And in many cases seem more worried about the money they will make from it.
This is not the way to run any war.

Lets look at our enemy they are well run they know the course of action they are going to take, the leaders and the troops are of one kind, they do not react, they take the initative.
They know the weakness of our politicians, and how to play them. For example Spain and Italy, when terrible things happened they were too quick to back down (appeasement does not work WW2 again)
It should be said I do not think the terrorists can win this is not Vietnam, the insurgents in Iraq are not trying to make a country whole, and beyond defeating the coalition have no real plans afterwards.
But this is a weakness we should be exploiting, our ability to plan is better than theirs. But unless we start thinking this conflict will run on an on.

(4/12/05)
As an addition to this if you check out the military recruiter link there is a good post about what has been done in iraq.
And offers a different perspective.